juniperberry: watanuki (what's that?)
[personal profile] juniperberry
It's new and not one of my many in-need-of-completing WIPs, but it's still xxxHolic!

Title: In the Beginning, God said "Let There Be Lips!"
Fandom: xxxHolic/RHPS
Pairing: working on it; gen for right now
Rating: PG-13 (it's still got Rocky Horror in it, yo)
Disclaimer: Not my characters
Warnings: It's not necessary to know the plot or characters of Rocky Horror, but it would probably clear things up. Also, this is majorly Alternate Universe--all human, little to no spirits/magic/etc. Also, minor crossover CLAMP characters from things like Legal Drug, Tsubasa, CCS, Suki Dakara Suki.

This is based off live performances of Rocky Horror. The title's temporary, but I'm very tempted to either call it "Any Virgins In This Theater" or dig out my Audience Par-ti-ci-PATION album and comb it for quotes. This means lots of raunchy humor and sexual jokes.

Yuuko was doing it again. Kimihiro tried not to notice, but it was difficult when his extremely well-endowed older sister was leaning on him.

"What is it, Oneesan?"

Yuuko pouted. "How many times do I have to tell you? It's just Yuuko." She wrapped her arms around him in a hug. "You study too much, Kimihiro! I need to take you out and get you to experience life!" She waved an arm around gleefully. "Think of all the shining things out there you're missing!"

Kimihiro hunched closer to his books. "I'm fine, Oneesan. I have to study."

Yuuko gracefully flopped next to him. She was dressed outrageously as always--long strings of beads, a large ornate silver cross dangling from a thick choker, black leather pants and a corset embroidered with dark violet butterflies and an overblouse of silk and black lace. Her coat and boots were in the entryway. Kimihiro wasn't fazed; he'd grown up with Yuuko wearing revealing outfits, and it was nothing new to him.

"Kimihiro," Yuuko said, and her tone was the one he hated most--the serious one, the one she only pulled out when she couldn't convey what she wanted to say with tipsy jokes, sly remarks or teasing, utterly inappropriate innuendoes. "Kimihiro, I'm worried about you."

"There's nothing to worry about," he protested. His chemistry textbook was starting to make no sense again, but that was probably his sister's fault.

"You're studying so much, and you're not doing anything someone your age should be doing," she said, and Kimihiro glared at her.

"I have to pass my classes, Oneesan! I can't goof off and skate through like--like--"

"I never skated through," Yuuko said firmly. "I studied. And then I realized that university couldn't teach me what I wanted to know, Kimihiro. That's my path, and I don't expect you to follow it." She laid a hand on his arm and squeezed. "But you're studying all the time, and you're putting such pressure on yourself! I don't expect you to party all the time or slack off, but I don't want you to wear yourself into nothing, either!"

"I have to pass this class, neesan! If I don't everything I've been doing--it all falls apart! And you want me to go 'experience life'? I am! I'm doing my best--"

A bang resounded from the nearest wall, and Kimihiro clearly heard his neighbor yelling at him to keep it down. Yuuko, when he glanced back at her, had a pinched look to her mouth.

"Wonder how they'd take it if I faked the loudest orgasm I could?" she asked conversationally, and Kimihiro rested his head on his open textbook with a groan. Yuuko ran her nails through his hair, scratching lightly at his scalp.

"How important is this?" she asked quietly. "Do you have an upcoming test, or a vital assignment?"

Kimihiro looked up and pulled off his glasses. "No. I mean, I need to understand the material, but I don't have any more assignments till next week."

She pinched him and gave him a knowing look. "So you're pushing yourself to memorize stuff you already know?"

Kimihiro felt his face heat up. "I need to know it," he said. Yuuko sighed.

"Come out with me and my friends this weekend," she said. "We're going to a show. It'll be fun, and you can unwind for a while. Then you can come back here, crash for a while, get up and study some more, okay? It's just one night." She tweaked his ear. "I worry. You don't have many friends, and you never go out."

Kimihiro sighed. "Not everyone has to go out and party all the time," he complained. Yuuko rolled her eyes.

"I'm not saying you should. You never do anything, Kimihiro--you don't even go to the events on campus, do you? I know you love cooking, but do you even go to the festivals where there's food?" She could read him like a book--a lifetime of practice coming to her aid--and shook her head. "I'd be happy if you just did that. Come on, come out with me. For your big sister."

He rolled his eyes. The truth was, he was forgetting concepts he'd had down only days ago, and that was a sign of studying entirely too much. His back hurt from hunching over his textbooks and...well. He wouldn't ever admit anything to Yuuko, but she was right. He found it hard to make friends, and he was lonely.

"All right," he said, with bad grace. "Where will we be going?"

Yuuko acquired her usual shark's grin, and Kimihiro wondered what he'd gotten himself into. "Have you ever seen a film called The Rocky Horror Picture Show?"


Kimihiro acknowledged to himself, not for the first time, that his elder sister was a freak.

Of course, her friends weren't a whole lot better.

Dinner had been good--Yuuko had dressed normally and hauled Kimihiro out to a restaurant that served more than dollar ramen bowls, and they had a fairly normal dinner. (Well, as normal as they ever got, which Kimihiro had to say wasn't much, in the way of things.) Then they'd gone back to Yuuko's place, and she'd gotten into her costume and had tried to dress him up, too.

Well, she'd succeeded. But he'd refused to wear the teddy, the fishnets, or the hotpants, so she'd decided on a waistcoat and top hat. Kimihiro felt ridiculous riding the trains, until they actually got to the theater.

There was a line outside. Most of the people were dressed in shirts and jeans, or skirts; others were dressed in outfits that were decidedly...more outlandish. Yuuko's French maid costume was one of the more conservative ones, even given the short skirt, thigh-high fishnets and plunging neckline.

"Yuuko-chan!" A man called from the middle of the line. He was dressed normally enough, and he was obviously happy to see Yuuko.

"We have reservations," Yuuko said, as she dragged Kimihiro along with her. "Kakei! Where's your friend?"

The man sighed. "Ah, well, Kazahaya's very shy, you know! He didn't think his friend's play was going to be like this." Kakei shook his head, then eyed Yuuko up and down. "You're conservative this time."

Yuuko slung an arm around Kimihiro's shoulders. "I brought my little brother," she said. Kimihiro tried and failed to convince himself that she didn't sound proud. "I had to dress a little more modestly."

Kakei smiled even as Kimihiro rolled his eyes.

Kakei leaned against the wall and nodded to his feet. "I brought a few beers," he said. "You aren't driving?"

"Taking the train," Yuuko said, as she gleefully pounced on the alcohol. "I thought they didn't encourage this?"

"They don't, really," Kakei said, with a sly smile. Kimihiro was beginning to suspect one of them had given the other lessons. "But Rikuo is in the production, and Saiga did a lot of the custom costuming, so they'll overlook it if I bring only a couple of beers."

"Here, Kimihiro, try some," Yuuko said. Kimihiro glared at her, and she smiled at him.

"We both had more than enough to keep our livers intact, Kimihiro," she said. He sighed and tipped the bottle to his lips. The beer was sharp and bitter, but there was a malty undercurrent that wasn't bad, once he got past the burn of the alcohol.

"Corrupting the young, Yuuko-chan!" Kakei said, shaking his head. Yuuko pulled a clove cigarette out of her purse and smiled at Kakei as she lit it.

"He's determined to be a good boy," she said. "Someone has to make sure he lives a little, you know?"

"How generous!"

Kimihiro took another sip and handed Yuuko the bottle. "I'm good," he said. She smiled at him, that wierdly proud smile, and took a big swig of the beer.

"Mah, not as good as some of my sake," she said. "But it's a good buzz."

"So mean, Yuuko-chan," Kakei said, but it was said with a laugh, and Yuuko only smirked. Kimihiro sat on the curb and watched the people in line. Most were laughing and a few were smoking cigarettes.

"Someone will sit on you if you stay there," Yuuko said, and Kimihiro stood up. He tried to make it look dignified, rather than a flailing scramble, but from Yuuko's expression he probably failed.

"Hey, Yuuko-chan, your little brother's so cute," Kakei said. He had a sly look on his face that made Kimihiro think of snakes. Yuuko blew smoke into his face.

"You can look, but don't touch," she said. "You've got Saiga, he's enough to make any man happy, don't you think? Besides," she said, as she stroked Kimihiro's cheek, "he's meant for someone else."

Kakei made some flirtatious response that Kimihiro couldn't hear. The doors had opened, and people were beginning to walk up and down the line. If Kimihiro were the type to be scandalized--which he was, but years of proximity to Yuuko and her habits of thought and dress had weeded it all out--he probably would have gone home or blushed so scarlet the actors wouldn't have had to even speak to him to single him out. As it was, he kept his face blank and cool while the cast members approached.

The man in the lead was dressed the way Yuuko had wanted to dress him--fishnet stockings, garter belt, a corset, and more eyeshadow than Kimihiro had ever suspected existed. He bypassed their group, but the young woman in the glittering gold-sequined coat and top hat did not.

"Any virgins?" she asked kindly, and Yuuko stubbed her cigarette out even as she slung an arm over Kimihiro's shoulders.

"Right here!" she said gleefully, and Kimihiro struggled to maintain a cool exterior. His sister could be so embarrassing.

She also knew him better than anyone else on the planet.

"Hmm," the woman said. She looked him up and down. "I don't buy it. What do we call Brad?"

Kimihiro blinked. "Uh...Brad?"

This was apparently the wrong answer. The woman giggled and gave him a smile, then leaned forward and applied a tube of lipstick to his cheek.

"Have fun!" she said, and continued on down the line. Kimihiro touched his cheek, but Yuuko smacked his hand away.

"Don't smudge it," she said. Kimihiro glared at her.

"What is it, anyway?"

"It's a V, you silly boy," Yuuko said. Further down the line was the sound of someone sputtering and making a racket. Kakei chuckled.

"So little Kazahaya-kun didn't go home after all," he said. "Well, he's got to lose it sometime, right?"

Yuuko sniffed. "He's been sheltered," she said in his ear. "You handled yourself very well, Kimi-chan."

"Don't call me that," Kimihiro said automatically. Then he thought again--Yuuko was free with teasing and with worry, but more stingy with honest praise. "Thanks." She squeezed his shoulders.

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